At one time or another, all of us become dissatisfied with a realm of our lives and decide change has got to come. However, once you get set in your ways, it seems impossible to manipulate who you've become, to "teach an old dog new tricks." But with the right mindset and constant diligence, these steps will help you find a new "you."
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Part 1 of 4: Set Your Head Right
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Identify the problem. You've made your mind up to change, but how and why? Clearly identifying the problem is the only way it can be solved. What will changing result in?
It's best to start positive. Write down a list of what you like about yourself. If that's difficult, what do others say they like about you? Knowing your good qualities makes it easier to draw on them later to get rid of the habits you're trying to kick.
In one sentence, state exactly what you want. Make sure it's what you want and not what others think you should want. If you don't actually desire change, it won't come.
Next, make a list of reasons why you want this change. Seeing all the motivations written down in front of you--and referring to it later--will keep you on the right path.
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2
Prime your brain. You've trained your brain one way and now it's time to train it another. Keeping the right mindset is absolutely imperative to conquer permanent alterations.
Often we are not the people we think we are. Certain problems can be addressed simply by adjusting the way we think; beauty is not the only thing in the eye of the beholder. Thinking of yourself the way you desire to be is the first step to believing.
Get your brain thinking on the right track. If you are yearning to be more ambitious, make a list of associated words ("drive," "do," "go," "create," "commit," "eager," etc.) every morning to get your brain in the mood. This can be done with any topic--what words do you associate with your goal?
3
Expect disruption. Things happen in life that we could never expect. Your path to change is going to be littered with obstacles and people trying to bog you down. Knowing that the pitfalls in the road are minor setbacks and can be overcome is necessary for success.
Staying realistic is the best way to tackle any daunting topic. Don't blame yourself or others for keeping you from your goal. Setbacks are normal and will happen.
4
Expect failure. Change doesn't happen overnight. The next few weeks will be full of small failures. These aren't due to any oversight on your part.
Failing once does not mean you are done. Just because you've found something that doesn't work does not mean this is the end of the road. Know that getting back up is the part that matters.
5
Be patient. If change could come overnight, it wouldn't be worth it. You may not see results as soon as you had planned.
It would be better to underestimate and over-deliver than expect the world and fall short. Even the smallest changes are indicators that you're on the right path. Be patient, breathe, and relax.
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Part 2 of 4: Set the Right Goal
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Figure out your aims. You want to change, sure, but what does that really mean? Think in the affirmatives, not the negatives.
If you want to lose weight, how much? Through diet or exercise or both? Clarifying your methods will help you think more clearly. A goal that states, "I want to lose two pounds a week through limiting myself to a 1300 calorie per day diet and exercising four hours a week" is easier to adhere to than "I don't want to be fat anymore."
If your goal is more abstract (as in, "I want to be more confident."), think in concrete examples. Instead of "I want to be more confident," set goals like, "I want to start conversations with strangers," "I want to ask a guy/girl for his/her number," or "I want to show my work to the public anxiety-free." Be specific and narrow it down to what you really want.
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Be realistic. Aiming to lose 20 lbs in one month is setting yourself up for failure. Not reaching that goal will ultimately make you feel worse. Set a goal that you believe is achievable.
Being realistic also means not being negative. You are the only thing preventing you from changing. The ball is always in your court.
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Set a time limit. Allowing yourself as much time as you need removes any sense of responsibility. Set a deadline to encourage more effective behavior.
Create checkpoints. Giving yourself 8 months to make $20,000 may not be incredibly helpful. Think shorter term--what's doable in one month? Your motivation will stay higher if an assessment date is in sight.
Consider the amount of change you're seeking. If you need a year, give yourself a year. If you think you can attack the problem in a matter of weeks, by all means! Know yourself and what you're capable of.
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Part 3 of 4: Set the Right Activities
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Start now. Saying you'll get going "tomorrow" is the same as never starting at all. Tomorrow is a day that never comes. In order to change, you must not procrastinate, you will achieve nothing by putting it off.
If you're too busy to commit, now is not the right time. Assess whether or not you're ready to truly start the road to change and go from there. If you're not, don't feel guilty. Reassess again when you are in a different place.
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Think small. Small is doable and removes excuses. Flossing one tooth is a start. If large changes are impossible or scary, don't shy away from making even the slightest bit of effort.
Often, the initial effort is the hardest. Keep this in mind when you're just starting out--it will get easier from here.
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Reward yourself. Recognizing your progress with positive emotion and outside treats will keep you going for the long-term. Throw your fists into the air, watch that extra 30 minutes of TV, or treat yourself to an expensive dinner.
Try not to use rewards that are counter to your progress. If your aim is to lose weight, for example, reward yourself with a new outfit or a mini-vacation, not a third helping of ice cream.
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Use your emotions. Rather than letting your emotions determine your behavior, let your behavior determine your emotions. It is possible to fabricate emotion to change how you're feeling. A simple example of this is keeping your head up and smiling. Your emotions take cues from your muscles and body.
Join an acting class. This will give you first-hand experience at becoming another person. It may not be your cup of tea, but it will force you to take a deeper look at emotion, understand their roots, and fabricate them genuinely.
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Make yourself uncomfortable. Staying in the same box will yield the same results. Get out of your comfort zone and develop habits of this new person you're becoming.
Being uncomfortable is not pleasant; it is, however, a means to change. Doing things that put us on edge incite new emotions and thought processes. New thought processes lead to new and different opportunities, resulting in change.
Pick something related to your goal. If you want to be more confident, go places that force you to meet new people. Practice doesn't make perfect, but it does make habit. Meeting new people will slowly become an everyday thing. If you want to lose weight, try a new method of exercising. Running, practicing yoga, or an aerobics class may show you results you've never seen before (and prove a worthwhile, positive experience).
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Part 4 of 4: Review Your Progress
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Sustain your motivation. Over the course of this self-altering project, you'll hit slumps where it's difficult to stay on the right track. Be conscious of these times and tackle them accordingly.
Make yourself accountable. Show your progress to family members or friends or join an online forum.
Don't wear yourself out. You may feel like running 10 miles (16 km) the first day, but the following day, you'll be too tired to move. Ease into your goals.
Monitor your self-talk. If it's negative, stop it! Take any negative thought and replace it with a positive one. End the thoughts mid-sentence.
Find like-minded people. A strong support group makes any endeavor exponentially easier.
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Keep track of how you feel. Logging your behaviors and looking for patterns will help you address the most efficient ways of reaching your goal.
If you see yourself succumbing to your old habits, write down when, how, and why. Analyze the possible causes. Maybe you were hungry, tired, or frustrated from a day at work.
Note your progress! If you had a good day, write it down! Being able to go back over the progress you made will push you to continue on.
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Stay healthy. Anything and everything is easier to tackle when you're healthy. Apart from the innumerable benefits to your health and overall quality of life, staying healthy will make it easier to maintain a positive attitude.
Eating well, getting a good night's rest, and staying active are starters to an overall good day. Setting goals that are frustrating and difficult to achieve is hard enough--you want to give yourself the best chance possible. Take care of your mind and body before you attack any bigger issue.
If you don't feel good most days, a larger problem must be addressed first. Playing mind tricks, thinking positively, and setting goals must take the back burner to your health and happiness.
4
Adjust your goal. As you progress, you may want to make changes to your ideals. Note your progress and ease up or crack down to fit what you're capable of.
If you're making stellar progress, fantastic! Challenge yourself and set new, more difficult goals.
Don't feel guilty if you're not hitting the marks you were originally aiming for. Reassess and aim for what's doable. The last thing you want is to get discouraged and quit.
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Keep it up. Once you've reached your desired outcome, don't let up. Habits take time to form--allow yourself time to get used to your new routine.
This should be a lifelong change. While initially it'll take conscious effort to stay away from carbohydrates, to initiate conversations, to save money, soon enough it'll be hard-wired into your brain and automatic.
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Tips
Smile. This will automatically put a brighter spin on your day.
Don't hesitate or give up. Pick up speed and refuse to slow down.
Changing for others will never end in good results- especially if that person leaves your life. If you decide to change, doing it for yourself is the best option.
Travel somewhere to clear your mind. You may discover new things or new thoughts that may change your way of thinking, adding to your new identity.
Remember that you should be whatever makes you happy. If a change is for someone else, it won't stick.
Changing your appearance is one way to encourage inner change (more professional clothes will encourage you to be more professional, etc.) but should never be confused with the real thing.
What other people think is not an issue. You are doing this for you, not them.
Above all else, change begins with consciousness. If you are not aware of what you are doing, you cannot change your behavior.
You can change yourself as many times as you want. Nothing is permanent or irreversible.
Be persistent. It takes repeating an action at least 21 times for it to become habit. The first day will be very hard, but then it gets progressively easier every day after that.
