昨天在Wall Street Journal （華爾街日報）上看到這樣一篇關(guān)于美國大學(xué)生戀愛態(tài)度的文章。作者通過采訪和數(shù)據(jù)，以不加評論的旁觀者視角從當(dāng)代美國大學(xué)生的生活剪輯了一個掠影，來反映美國文化的本質(zhì)。文章主題是越來越多的男女選擇不在大學(xué)里談戀愛，而選擇一夜情或者多夜情，或者只是游戲似的戀愛。“你是風(fēng)兒我是沙”的山盟海誓在美國不僅誰也打動不了，還會嚇跑大多數(shù)的人。

作為一個在美國讀了三年高中現(xiàn)在在美國讀大二的學(xué)生，作為一朵被西方資本主義“腐化”了的祖國花朵，我想為美國學(xué)生和我自己做出我力所能及的解釋。

這種生活方式的改變是有它的原因的。與你可能想的正相反，我們（經(jīng)過一番掙扎，我還是選擇了用“我們”而不是“他們”）不是因為墮落，而是因為我們更現(xiàn)實，更長遠，把當(dāng)前的學(xué)習(xí)和事業(yè)看得更重要。

首先，在美國大學(xué)中的競爭是異常激烈的。想進醫(yī)學(xué)院，法學(xué)院，商學(xué)院的人越來越多，想繼續(xù)深造的也越來越多，所以造成平時上課的壓力也越來越大。具體數(shù)字我就不舉了，我最近才和一位從北大來的數(shù)學(xué)系博士研究生吃飯講到哪個學(xué)校的學(xué)生壓力大，他毫不猶豫的說是伯克利，還說他輔導(dǎo)的本科生都因加班加點嚴(yán)重缺乏睡眠。我的一些去過其他國家學(xué)習(xí)的同學(xué)也是有同樣的看法。

除了競爭外，另一個使我們奮發(fā)的因素是高昂的學(xué)費。拿美國大學(xué)的學(xué)費和國內(nèi)的學(xué)費比沒有什么意義，不比你們也知道這邊要高很多，但值得注意的是美國大多數(shù)大學(xué)生是借錢讀書的，大多數(shù)人畢業(yè)后都有債務(wù)。這個債務(wù)是我們自己要還的，不管家境如何，這個債務(wù)是我們自己的債務(wù)，是我們自己必須要用自己的勞動來還的。設(shè)想一下，如果你上大學(xué)是花自己的錢，2萬到4萬美元，你還會天天想著怎么交女朋友并把自己放在一個很容易受傷的境地嗎?

第三，我們知道自己的前途未卜，有可能在世界上任何一個地方就業(yè)或者繼續(xù)深造，我們承受不起另一個人的重量，因為我們還太年青。我們幾乎每個人都有過一些戀愛史，因為在美國沒有所謂的“早戀”。用我在高中的好朋友Emily的話來說，“戀愛在很多時候都像是兩人三腿跑，靠著的兩條腿綁在一起，不僅慢得要死，而且如果其中一人倒下了，另一個人也站不起來?！倍诿绹灰暈辄S金年代的大學(xué)本科，我們既禁不起被綁在一起的拖累，也承受不起倒下的打擊。

在這些考慮下，美國學(xué)生對于感情是慎重的，是有很多保留的。我們會在周五周六晚上熱舞狂歡，與剛認識的人在舞池上縱情接吻，但這背后是一周緊張的學(xué)習(xí)和工作。學(xué)有余力的人也不會首先去想談戀愛，而是去爭取為教授們當(dāng)實驗助手。

與異性的親密接觸屬于周五周六喧嘩渲泄的夜晚，僅此而已?！拔覑勰恪睂儆谛W(xué)，初中，高中，及未知的未來，"I Love you" 在大學(xué)生中又稱L-bomb，與A-bomb（Atomic Bomb原子彈）齊名。這三個字太重，我們說不起。

你可以盡管鄙視我們。但記得這一點，當(dāng)美國學(xué)生與教授們合作攻克了一個又一個科學(xué)難題，幾乎包攬每屆的諾貝爾獎的時候；當(dāng)美國學(xué)生在本科就開始創(chuàng)業(yè)，建立起自己的商業(yè)帝國的時候；中國學(xué)生有多少人還晃蕩在情人坡小樹林里，天天為心上人絞盡腦汁想新招。

這是一條人人都心照不宣的潛規(guī)則：不要為我動心，不要說愛我。

那篇華爾街日報的文章如下：

Where‘s the Love? Students Eschew Campus Romance

January31, 2008

Like many campuses,Purdue University has some traditional hot spots for romance -- "The Old Pump," where couples used to meet after dark, and a bell tower known as a lucky place to propose marriage. But engineering major Amy Penner has been so busy volunteering with a women's engineering group and planning her career that she's only dimly a ware of them. Her boyfriend has left campus to get a doctorate overseas; asked how much time she spends dating, she says, "That would be zero."

Remember the movie"Love Story" and its star-crossed student lovers? Such torrid campus romances may be becoming a thing of the past. College life has become so competitive, and students so focused on careers, that many aren't looking for spouses anymore.

Replacing college as the top marital hunting ground is the office. Only 14% of people who are married or in a relationship say they met their partners in school or college,says a 2006 Harris Interactive study of 2,985 adults; 18% met at work. That's a reversal from 15 years ago, when 23% of married couples reported meeting in school or college and only 15% cited work, according to a 1992 study of 3,432adults by the University of Chicago.

Gone are the days when sororities and dorms marked engagements with candle-passing ceremonies while men serenaded beneath the windows.

College romances like the one in 'Love Story' are becoming rarer these days.

Even at tradition-steeped Transylvania University, a 228-year-old institution in Lexington, Ky., an old white ash called "The Kissing Tree," cited in2003 by the Chronicle of Higher Education as one of the most romantic spots on campuses, is no longer an "icon of intimacy," says Richard Thompson,a longtime Transylvania professor and dean. Lucie Hartmann, 21, a senior, says"no one utilizes" the spot for romance; like most students, she's intent on "using college to set a foundation for a career."

Researchers cite acouple of factors. Young adults are delaying marriage, for one thing. In the past 15 years, men's median age at first marriage has risen by 1.2 years to 27.5, and by 1.4 years for women, to 25.5, the highest in more than a century, Census Bureau data show.

Also at work is"credential inflation" -- an increase in the qualifications required for many skilled jobs, says Janet Lever, a sociology professor at CaliforniaState University, Los Angeles. Many young adults want the flexibility to relocate freely and immerse themselves in new work and educational opportunities before making room for marriage and family. As a result, students favor "light relationships that aren't going to compromise where they go to grad school or which job they take," she says.

Cody Cheetham, 22, a Purdue senior, is looking for a marketing job after she graduates in May and plans on getting an MBA. "A lot of us don't even know where we're going to be living six months after we graduate," she says. "We don't want to bring another person into the chaos of our lives."

If you're a parent,as I am, you may be wondering what all this means. Such sordid campus-life portrayals as Tom Wolfe's "I Am Charlotte Simmons" aside, the news about students' social lives isn't all bad. To be sure, the "hookup culture" -- the campus trend toward casual sexual behavior, usually linkedwith alcohol and no expectations of a continuing relationship -- is rife. Some 76% of college students have engaged in hookups, which usually stop short of intercourse, according to a study of 4,000 students by Stanford University sociology professor Paula England. Students report having had an average 6.9 hookups and only 4.4traditional dates by their senior year.

On the bright side,more students are having fun on group dates; also, deep, but platonic,male-female friendships are more common.

Many young adults return to traditional dating after graduation, says Kathleen Bogle, author of anew book, "Hooking Up," based on a study of 76 students and recent alumni. Young adults "want to find a quality person, a good person," to marry, says Ms. Bogle, an assistant sociology professor at La Salle University in Philadelphia, "and traditional dating is seen as a better way to do that" than hooking up.

With the benefit of hindsight, though, some grads may yearn for the stretches of time on campus for extracurricular activities and studying with the opposite sex. Julia Vasiliauskas broke up with her boyfriend at the University of Rochester in New York soon after her 2003 graduation, then went to grad school and began teaching near Seattle. Now that she feels ready, at 26, to find a partner,"I regret that I didn't find that person in college -- because now that I'm working, I don't have time."

Write to Sue Shellenbarger at sue.shellenbarger@

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