Imagine you have to do a group project for class /and the other people in your group seem pretty smart and outspoken, so you step back/ and let them run the show. 

But/ as you are working on your project, you realize it is not turing out that great. You think about telling your group members/ that you want to make some changes/ but you are worried/ that they are going to get mad /or make fun of you.

You ultimately decide/ to keep your mouth shut, so when it comes time for your group / to turn in your project, you end up getting / a bad grade. What went wrong? This is a very common situation for people struggling/ to develop confidence or overcome insecurity. When you have a great idea/ or a strong opinion about something, you back down/ simply because you are scared/ of what other people will think/ or say. Oftentimes we obsess about worst-case scenarios/ where every thing that can go wrong does go wrong. In our heads, these scenarios seem absolutely terrifying/ even if the reality isn't scary at all. If it's really that simple, why do so many people struggle with these same insecurities.

To answer that question, let's look at something called/ a cognitive distortions. Cognitive distortions are biased and often irrational ways / to view the world around us,  which we accidently reinforced/ on a daily basis. They can create anxieties, doubts and fears by building upon a foundation/ of fault assumptions and misinformation. In other words, people over-exaggerate and overgeneralize all the time. For example, let 's say that  you are on a stage and giving a speech/ and someone in the audience laughs. A laugh can mean a lot of different things. But in this context, your brain may automatically assume/ that they are laughing at you. Once you've decided they are laughing at you, all other logical options / seem to disapper. Another people very well could have leaned over / and told them a joke, but your brain is so stuck / in this negative thought pattern/ that it won't even consider any other possibilities. Since you probably don't make a habit/ of second-guessing your own brain, you end up feeling embarrassed ,shameful and sad / about something that may have had nothing to do /with you. If you are someone struggles with anxiety and insecurity, you may jump to these disastrous coclusions/ a few times a day. 

It's very easy to assume/ that every negtive thing that happens around  you/ is a product of your own failures and mistakes. In fact/ these feeings are so strong/ and your brain will do everything it can / to avoid putting you in a similar situation. So /when you are thinking about talking to your group members about changing the project/ then your brain is worried about a worst-case scenario/ that essentially doesn't exist. If you let them, these negtive assumptions can completely control your life, so you need to learn how to idenify and overcome your irrational fears.

Here are four strategies you can use/ if you care too much about what other people think.

1. Question Obstacles 質(zhì)疑"最壞"的情況

Next time you find yourself backing away from an opportunity/ just beacuse you are scared of being judegd, take a minutes to ask yourself/ this one important question: WHAT IS THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN? Oftentimes when we are panicking about that worst-case scenario, we don't actually take the time/ to organize and think through our feelings, instead/ our brains become a whirlwind/ of negtive emotions like fear and shame/ that prevent us from making intelligent decisions. When your brain is scared of something, it will always seek out the safest possible course, which is usually to avoid the situation completely. If you are worried about messing up the speech, your brain will tell you/ not to give one. If you are nervous about talking to new people/ your brain will convince you /that you are better off alone. But is that reallly true? By forcing yourself to answer the question 'what is the worst thing that could happen', you are making your brain analyze those emotional and often illogical choices. Once you slow down/ and look a bit closer, you will realize/ that those negtive outcomes either don't make sense/ or aren't actually that bad. If you do mess up your speech, couldn't you just correct yourself and keep going. If you start talking to a new person/ and they are mean to you, can't you just leave and talk to someone else? Because your brain is instinctively programmed/ to protect you, it will make these kinds of mistake pretty often. So whenever you notice your anxiety is controlling your behavior, take a few mintues to think it through/ and decide whether or not / your fears are worth being afraid of.

2. Flip the Situation換位思考

When you step in any social situation, it's tempting to believe/ that everyone in the room is watching you. For example, if you spill food on your shirt, you may start panicking/ becuase it feels like /everyone just saw you do someting really embarrassing and will criticize you for it. Psychologists have called this extremely common state of mind/ the imaginary audience, since people frequently  feel like they are the center of attention/ whether they want to be or not. What most people don't realize however/ is that everyone no matter how well-liked talent or intelligent they may be/  is a person just like you. Chances are they have their own set of fears and insecurities/ that they're also worried about everyone else noticing. So when you are concerned about what other people will think, try flipping the situation around. If you saw someone else accidently spill food on their shirt, what do you think badly about them? Would you think that they are dump， gross or clumsy? 99% of the time the answer is going to be no, so why should you be worried/ when the same exact situation happens to you？

3. Redirect Insults轉(zhuǎn)移惡評

Imagine you want to become a professional artist, but up until now, you have been too scared to show your works to anyone, you are worried that people will hate or insult it / so you have always kept it to yourself. One day/ you finally work up the courage/ to show a few paintings online, you get a bunch of feedback, some negtive and some positive, until one person writes a mean comment/ saying that you have zero talent and are wasting your time. The truth is/ that people tend to hurt others like this / when they themselves are feeling hurt in some way, this situation is especially common online/ becuase how easy it is to stay anonymous and hide behind our computer screens. When someone does bash someting you worked really hard on, it's important to remenber/ that it's more of a reflection on them /than that it's on you. While this might seem like a very specific situation, tuning hateful people out/ is actually an important skill to learn. While you are working on stepping out/ of your comfort zone, there will always be people who don't like you, now I am not talking about people who offer you constructive crticism/ beacuse negtive comments are valueble to help you learn and grow. If someone tells you / that you are making a mistake/ but it's doing it to allow you recognize and fix your own flaws, that person is worth listening to. But there will also be people who simply want to see you fail. Life is full of them, so you need to learn who to listen to/ and who to tune out.

4. Understand Yourself了解你自己

One of the biggest reasons we spend so much time focuing on what other people think/ is beacuse we believe our happiness depends on our relationships. We think / that if we don't win over the people in our class or at work, then we are going to feel empty and left out. These negtive thoughts often sterm from a deeper insecurity/ which tells you/ that you need to spend less time worrying about other people/ and more time getting to know yourself. Even people with dozens of friends/ can still struggle with anxiety and social fears/ because they have let themselves be defied by the people around them. You might spend your whole life latched on/ to close friends and family/ so you never develop the self-confidence and independence / to stop caring about how the other people view you. Luckily, there is a very simple solution, take some time/ to get to know who you are as an individual, figure out/ what you really like and what your dreams are/ becuase you might discover/ that you are a dramatically different person on your own. It's much easier to overcome insecurtiy/ when you are being ture to who you are. So instead letting your relationships to define who you are, let who you are define who you spend your time with.