之前我寫了一篇文章，講述了我們作為父親在孩子的生活中扮演的重要角色——尤其是對(duì)于十幾歲的兒子。兒子們很自然地會(huì)依靠他們的父親來發(fā)現(xiàn)做一個(gè)男人的意義、做一個(gè)丈夫的意義、成為一個(gè)家庭領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者的意義以及成功的意義。所有的兒子都希望得到父親的認(rèn)可，渴望父親的肯定說“干得好，兒子。”事實(shí)上，這就是一個(gè)男孩成為男人的方式。

但同樣的事實(shí)是，女兒們會(huì)很自然地依靠她們的父親來了解什么是好男人、什么是好丈夫以及她想嫁什么樣的男人。

父親們：我們需要成為我們希望孩子們成為的男人。我們必須成為我們想要女兒嫁給的男人。當(dāng)然我們會(huì)犯錯(cuò)誤；因?yàn)槲覀兌际侨恕５覀兊腻e(cuò)誤并不能定義我們。我們要有做一個(gè)好父親的意愿，我們要把做父親的角色放在第一位，我們要有做最好的父親的決定，這些，就是對(duì)我們的定義。

因此，從今天開始，我們可以做三件事來成為最好的父親：

1、愛你孩子的媽媽

是的，在孩子的生活中最重要的兩個(gè)人是爸爸和媽媽。如果他們互相關(guān)心，如果他們互相照顧，如果他們善于解決分歧齊頭并進(jìn)，那么，他們的孩子就會(huì)感到安全。父母就像孩子頭上的屋頂。不管外面的暴風(fēng)雨有多猛烈——如果婚姻的屋頂很堅(jiān)固——孩子們就會(huì)感到安全。

男士們：請(qǐng)從我們自己做起。我們希望我們的妻子愛我們的孩子，對(duì)嗎？所以我們必須愛她，為她犧牲，讓她知道她是特別被愛的，這樣她就能特別愛我們的孩子。

一定要學(xué)習(xí)她的“愛的語言”。每個(gè)女人都不一樣。每個(gè)女人都有自己愛的語言。學(xué)習(xí)你妻子的愛的語言，向她展示你的愛。這是所有丈夫的第一份工作。 

2、讓我們的孩子知道我們有多愛他們

所有的孩子都用同樣的方式來拼寫“愛”：T-I-M-E（時(shí)間）。沒錯(cuò)，我們的孩子需要我們花時(shí)間和他們?cè)谝黄稹２恢皇且粋€(gè)月一次或一周一次，而是每天一次。當(dāng)然，我們不能每天花6到8個(gè)小時(shí)呆在家里。我們必須工作。我們必須在經(jīng)濟(jì)上支持我們的家庭，但我們也必須在情感上支持我們的孩子，和他們玩耍，幫助他們做家庭作業(yè)，帶他們出去吃一頓美食，打一場(chǎng)籃球比賽，或者享受一段快樂的家庭時(shí)光。

父親們：每天至少花30分鐘和孩子在一起。沒有手機(jī)，沒有電視，沒有干擾。只有你和他們。玩游戲，跑來跑去，傾聽他們?yōu)槭裁措y過，和他們分享你的一天，單單和他們待在一起。24小時(shí)中抽出30分鐘不算多。是的，這可能意味著早點(diǎn)下班回家，或者少花時(shí)間和朋友在一起。但我向你保證：如果你這樣做，每天至少花30分鐘和孩子們?cè)谝黄穑菍⑹悄阕鲞^的最好的投資。記住，你只會(huì)和你的孩子擁有一段很短的時(shí)光。每一天都是珍貴的禮物。我們必須充分利用時(shí)間。

3、從本周開始! !

你可能知道我是北京大學(xué)的教授，也是美國一些最好的大學(xué)的教授。教授會(huì)布置作業(yè)。下面就是給每個(gè)好爸爸的作業(yè)。今天就是開始做作業(yè)的最好時(shí)機(jī)。所以讓我們開始吧!

本周從你的孩子們中挑一個(gè)——只有你和你的兒子或女兒。然后做三件重要的事情：

1）給他或她一個(gè)適合他/她年齡的擁抱。是的，我們的孩子需要我們的身體支持。我知道這不是中國人的方式（記住，我也是在一個(gè)中國家庭長(zhǎng)大的）。但這仍然很重要。我們不希望我們的女兒（或兒子）外出尋找他們需要的身體支持。讓我們確保他們能感受到我們的愛——一個(gè)快速的擁抱、一個(gè)溫暖的握手或者一個(gè)善意的對(duì)他們頭發(fā)的撫摸——這是我們的孩子需要我們做的一件事。

2）告訴他們你有多愛他們，你為他們感到自豪。是的，告訴他們。別擔(dān)心，他們不會(huì)驕傲自大的。但當(dāng)他們聽到爸爸說“我愛你，我為你感到自豪”時(shí)，他們會(huì)覺得自己有10英尺高。你想讓你的兒子和女兒堅(jiān)強(qiáng)、自信、自我接納嗎？你當(dāng)然希望。所以就告訴他們。他們可能一開始會(huì)假裝很尷尬，但相信我，他們會(huì)從心底喜歡的。 

3）讓他們知道無論發(fā)生什么事，你都將永遠(yuǎn)和他們?cè)谝黄?。讓他們知道你的愛不是有條件的，直到永遠(yuǎn)。這是我們孩子生活的基石，是他們靈魂生活的情感鋼筋。這是所有孩子都需要的：他們需要知道他們無論如何都被愛著。

第二個(gè)重要的家庭作業(yè)：爸爸們，我鼓勵(lì)你們對(duì)你們的妻子做同樣的事情。帶她去一家很不錯(cuò)的餐廳或她喜歡的餐廳。告訴她你有多愛她。告訴她你非常感激她為你和孩子們所做的一切。讓她知道你永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)離開她。是的，讓她知道。她會(huì)因此更愛你的。

伙計(jì)們，我們一定要定期做這些事情。我們的孩子需要知道我們每天都愛他們。我們的妻子也一樣。所以讓我們開始做作業(yè)，讓我們每周都做。我向你保證：如果你這樣做——并堅(jiān)持下去——它將改變你和你家庭的生活，使之變得更好。試一試。你會(huì)看到。因?yàn)檎缡ソ?jīng)告訴我們的：“愛永不會(huì)失敗”。

我的朋友們，我說的都是真的。就像一位忠誠的父親所說的：愛可能會(huì)時(shí)不時(shí)地開小差，但最終它永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)失敗。

本文作者：

史雷頓（Grgeory W.Slayton）先生，前美國大使，美國硅谷創(chuàng)投家，前Google董事會(huì)顧問，美國常春藤大學(xué)和北京大學(xué)的教授，SlaytonCapital的總裁，國際暢銷書《成就好爸爸》的作者（可在京東或當(dāng)當(dāng)?shù)染W(wǎng)站購買），他與妻子結(jié)婚25年，育有四個(gè)孩子，目前他們生活在中國和北美兩地。他和妻子合著的新書《Be the BestMom You Can Be》在美國已出版(www.bethebestmomyoucanbe.com)。史雷頓家的書籍收入將用于支持家庭事工。

RAISING OUR TEENS: 3THINGS WE MUST DO AS FATHERS

Last week I wrote about the important role we Dads have in the lives of our teenagers – and especially your teenage sons. Sons naturally look to their dads to discover what it is to be a man. To be a husband. To be the leader of a family. To be a success. Allsons look for their father’s approval. For his “Well done son.” In fact, that is how a boy becomes a man.

But it is also true that daughters naturally look to their dads to know what a good man is. What a good husband is. What kind of man she wants to marry.

Fathers: we need to be the men we want our boys to become. We must be the men we want our daughters to marry. Sure we will make mistakes; we are human. But our mistakes do not define us. Our will to be good fathers – our decision to make fatherhood a priority and to be the best dads we can be – that is what defines us.

So here are three things we can do starting today to be the best Fathers we can be:

1. Love your children’s Mom. Yes, the two most important people in any child’s life is Mom and Dad. If they care for each other, if they take good care of each other, if they can settle their difference and move forward together – their children feel safe and secure. Parents are like the roof over their kids heads. No matter how bad the storm outside – if the marriage roof is strong – the kids are safe.

Men: this starts with us. We want our wife to love our kids, right? So we must love her and sacrifice for her. Show her that she is specially loved…so she can special love our kids.

Be sure to learn her ‘love language.’ Each woman is different. Each woman has her own love language. Learn the love language of your wife…and show her that love. That is Job #1 of any husband. 

2. Show our kids how much we love them. And all children spell LOVE the same way: T-I-M-E. That’s right, our kids need us to spend time with them. Not just once a month or once a week, but every day. Sure, we cannot spend 6 or 8 hours at home each day. We must work. We must support our families financially. But we also must support our children emotionally. Play with them. Help them with their homework. Take them out for an ice meal or a basketball game or a fun family time. 

Fathers: try to spend at least 30 minutes with your kids every day. No cell phone, no TV, no distractions. Just you and them. Playing games, running around, listening to why they are sad, sharing with them about your day, just being together. 30minutes out of 24 hours isn’t too much. Yes it might mean getting home from work a bit earlier. Or not spending so much time with your buddies. But I promise you this: if you do this, spending at least 30 minutes a day with your children while they are still with you, it will be the best investment you ever make. Remember, your kids are only with you for a short time. Every single day is a blessed gift. We must make the most of it.

3. Start this week!!  You may know I am a Professor at Peking University and some of America’s best universities. And Professors give homework. So here is some homework for every good Dad out there. There is no time to get started like today. So let’s get to it!!

This week get each of your kids alone – just you and your son or daughter. And then do three important things:

Give him or her an age appropriate hug. Yes, our kids need our physical support. I know this is not the Chinese way (remember, I was raised in a Chinese family too). But it is still important. We do not want our daughters (or our sons) going outside to find the physical support they need. Let’s be sure they feel our love – a quick hug or a warm handshake or a good natured jostling of their hair – that is one thing our kids need from us.

Tell them how much you love them and how proud you are of them. Yes, tell them. Don’t worry – they will not get a big head. But when they hear from their Dad “I love you and I am so proud of you” they will feel 10 feet tall. You want your son and daughter to be strong, to be self-confident, to be happy with who they are? Of course you do. So tell them. They may pretend to be embarrassed at first, but trust me, they will love it inside. 

Let them know that no matter what happens, you will be with them forever. Let them know that your love is not conditional. Forever. That is bed rock for our kids lives. Emotionalsteel for their souls. That is what all children need: to know that they are loved no matter what.

Second important homework: Dads, I encourage you to do the same thing with your wife. Take her out to a really nice restaurant, one she loves. Tell her how much you love her.Tell her how much you appreciate all she does for you and the kids. Let her know that you will never leave her. Yes, let her know. She will love you all the more for it.

Guys, let’s be sure to do these things on a regular basis. Our kids need to know that we love them every single day. And so do our wives. So let’s get on that homework…and let’s keep doing it every single week. I promise you this: if you do it – and keep it up – it will change your life and that of your family for the much better. Try it. You will see. For as the Bible tells us “Love Never Fails.”

And that my friend…is True.  Just like a faithful father: Love may slip up from time to time, but in the end it never fails.  

About Author:

Honorable Gregory W.Slayton grew up without a real father, but was taken in by a wonderful Chinese/American family in his youth. Today, he has AN OUTSTANDING family of four great kids who are themselves Ivy League graduates. Gregory himself is an honors graduate of Dartmouth College and the Harvard Business School. He is also a successful Silicon Valley venture capitalist, the former US Ambassador to Bermuda, and a Visiting Professor of Leadership at some of the finest business schools in the world, including Peking University. He has written four books including the global bestseller BE A BETTER DAD TODAY which is published in China by CITICPress and is available on jd.com, dangdang.com or others online store