我們看見許多孩子變 “壞”的例子——他們甚至是來自 “好”家庭。我們一些朋友的孩子比較年長，現(xiàn)在正面臨大麻煩……甚至是大禍。我們的孩子還很幼小，所以我們希望培養(yǎng)他們成為堅強(qiáng)、勇敢，正直的人。我們怎樣做才最合適呢？

哇，很好的問題。這可能是每位真正愛兒女家長心里最大的疑問之一，謝謝。我曾經(jīng)就這個問題跟格利高里討論過，我們想作出短而有力的答案（希望能做到）。所以會把重點放在三個關(guān)鍵點里。第一，今天我們將探討的......就是愛。至于另外兩點，將在隨后的文章中探討。所以請不要走開。

當(dāng)然你的問題應(yīng)有更詳盡的答案。事實上，你的問題是我們的媽媽書《成為你所能成為的最好母親》和爸爸書《成就好爸爸》的核心主題。如果你想有一本書來解決你的問題，請選擇其中一本或兩本（我們會把所有版稅捐給慈善機(jī)構(gòu)……所以我不是推銷這本書）。但還是想提提，它們或?qū)δ阌杏?。?dāng)然還有許多好書能解決這基本問題。所以鼓起勇氣︰你問對了問題，而且你并不孤單！！

今天我們想集中在我們倆作為父母育養(yǎng)兒女時，認(rèn)為最重要的一件事上：愛。你可能會說（正如許多年輕父母）你得好好控制“愛”這東西。就是你愛你的孩子，等等?？杀氖牵?dāng)我們問一些青少年，他們的父母是否愛他們時，得到的答案卻很有趣——許多與父母的期望相距甚遠(yuǎn)。這事實甚至?xí)?“好”家庭發(fā)生，父母雙方會說，毫無疑問，他們 “愛”他們的孩子。因為這是如此重要，所以值得詳細(xì)分析，并肯定孩子知道你愛他們。在這里什么是重要呢（盡管對我們作為父母尊敬之至）？可不是我們所想，而是我們孩子所想。無論我們認(rèn)為有多愛他們，若他們感受不到或心里不知道，怎樣想也沒有用。因此，讓我們看看如何可以肯定孩子知道我們愛他們。

愛就像一種語言。若我們不對孩子說“愛的語言”（或?qū)ζ拮诱f“愛的語言”），他們可能無法聽到我們的聲音。若你認(rèn)為這方面需要幫助，這里有一個很棒的網(wǎng)站︰www.5lovelanguages.com。當(dāng)然亦有許多關(guān)于這題目的書籍。

所有孩子，甚至是十來歲的青少年，都需要身體和言語上的肯定。尋找你孩子做得好的地方，然后表揚他們。尋找機(jī)會在別人面前贊揚你孩子的優(yōu)點。即使你不是“敏感和感性”的人 （很多男士都不是） 這樣做一定會給你的孩子適當(dāng)?shù)纳眢w肯定：溫柔地輕拍他們背部或來一個慈父的擁抱；也許是衷心跟孩子握手說，“兒子，我為你感到驕傲。身體的肯定對所有人都重要。事實上，我們不能沒有它。所以你要確保你的孩子從你得到……他們才不需要在其他地方尋找。

有趣的是兒童如何拼出愛這個單字。幾乎所有的孩子把它拼成時間，這是正確的。不管你說有多愛你的孩子，你必須花時間與他們共處，讓他們明白。我知道，在這個缺乏時間的世界里，不容易做到這一點。另一方面，每個美國人平均每一天花很多時間看電視。但無論我們有多忙 （或我們認(rèn)為我們），我們不能忽略他們。否則，只會給他們..... 和我們.....帶來未來的災(zāi)難。

最后，做一個好的聆聽者也很重要。神給我們兩只耳朵和一個嘴巴是有原因的。我們需要聆聽我們孩子的傾訴。聽他們，真的去聽他們，沒有論斷或譴責(zé)，表達(dá)你的愛和尊重。我不是說我們必須同意一切他們做的事；一點也不是。但我們必須仔細(xì)聆聽，提出好的問題，并且真誠地盡力理解。這是另一種好方法來讓我們的孩子感到我們真的愛他們，不只當(dāng)事情進(jìn)展順利時，更重要的是在艱難時期。

希望這些有關(guān)怎樣愛孩子的方法對你們有用。請別走開，以下是另外兩個解答這好問題的答案：明智的管教和以身作則。我希望將上述的建議合起來，能夠幫助你和丈夫把孩子培養(yǎng)成為成熟和可愛的好人。我知道你可以做得到，有神的幫助，這是可能的。

祝向前向上！！

史雷頓教授

How Can We Be Sure We Are Raising Good Children? (Part 1)

PARENTS QUESTION: We see so many examples of kids going 'bad' — even from 'good' homes. Some of our friends who have older children are now dealing with big problems … or even outright disasters. Our kids are still very young and we want to raise them up to be strong and courageous and to stand for what is right and good. How can we best do that?

MOM SAYS:  Wow, great question. Probably one of the biggest question on the hearts of every parent who truly loves their kids. Thank you. I've spoken with Gregory about this and we want to keep our answers short and (hopefully) powerful. So we are going to focus on three key answers to your question. The first we will explore today … and that is LOVE. The next two we will explore in our next two blogs. So please do stay tuned.

Of course your question deserves a much long answer. In fact your question is at the heart of both the Motherhood book we wrote ('Be the Best Mom You Can Be') and our Fatherhood book ('Be a Better Dad Today'). If you'd like a full book on your question…please do pick up one or both (we give all our royalties to charity…so I'm not trying to push the book). But I did want to mention them in case they might be helpful. And of course there are many other great books out there on this basic subject. So take heart: you are asking the right question and you are not alone!!

We want to focus today on what we both believe is THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT element in our parenting: LOVE. You might say (as many young parents do) that you've got the love stuff under control. That you love your kids, etc. etc. But the sad truth is that when we ask teens if their parents love them we get all kinds of interesting answers — many far different from what the parents expected. This is true even from 'good' homes where both parents would say without question that they 'love' their kids. And since this is so important, it bears looking at in detail to be SURE that your kids KNOW that you love them. What is important here (with all due respect to us parents) is NOT what we think, but rather what our kids feel. No matter how much we think we love our kids, if they don't feel it and know it in their hearts, it doesn't matter. So let's look at how to be sure our kids KNOW that we love them.

Dad Says: Love is like a language. If we are not speaking the 'love language' of our son or daughter (or our wife for that matter) they may not be able to hear us. If you think you might need help in this area, here's a great web site to check out:www.5lovelanguages.com. And of course there are a number of great books on that subject as well.

One thing ALL kids need, even teenagers, is physical and verbal affirmation. Look for things your children are doing right and praise them for it. Look for opportunities to speak well of your children in front of others. And even if you're not a 'touchy feely' person (and many of us guys are not) do be sure to give your kids appropriate physical affirmation as well. A gentle pat on the back or a fatherly hug. Maybe even a heartfelt handshake with a 'Son, I am proud of you.' Physical affirmation is important to all human beings. In fact, we cannot survive without it. So do be sure your children get it from you … so they don't have to look for it elsewhere.

A funny thing about children is how they spell the word LOVE. Almost all kids spell it T-I-M-E. That's right. No matter how much you say you love your kids, you must spend time with them for them to realize it. I know that's not easy in this time starved world. On the other hand the average American watches hours of TV each day. But no matter how busy we are (or we think we are), we cannot deprioritize our kids. That is setting them … and us … up for future disaster.

Finally, it's important to be a good listener. God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. We need to listen to our kids. Listening to them, really hearing them without judgement or condemnation, demonstrates both love and respect. I'm not saying we must agree with everything our kids do; not at all. But we must listen carefully, ask good questions, and truly seek to understand. That is another excellent way to show our kids that we really do LOVE them, not just when things are going well but it the tough times as well.

Hope these thoughts on the subject of Loving our Kids are helpful. Stay tuned for two more answers to your excellent questions on the subjects of Wise Discipline and Leading by Example. I hope that in combination with our thoughts above, these will help you and your husband to raise mature and loving kids who really do turn out to be good people. I know it is possible…and I know you can do it with God's help.

Onward and Upward!!!

Gregory

  亞洲家庭第一

我們相信每個人都具有無限的價值

家里是發(fā)揮這些價值最好的地方

我們相信雖然沒有一個家庭是完美無瑕的

卻仍然能在失敗和軟弱中抱有恢復(fù)和重建的希望

我們相信每一個家庭可以

更幸福

更堅固

更和睦

還沒有關(guān)注我們的朋友