|
1.Are our life and career goals similar? 我們的生活和事業(yè)目標(biāo)相似嗎？
Marriage is a decision to inextricably join your life with someone else’s. Aligning your life, career and other important goals is crucial. 一旦做出結(jié)婚的決定，你的生活就無可避免地會(huì)介入另一半的生活。調(diào)整你的生活、事業(yè)、以及其他重要的目標(biāo)非常關(guān)鍵。
Do you want to settle down in a quaint suburb and have lots of kids? Then don’t marry someone who wants to live and work in five continents. 你想在一個(gè)清凈的郊區(qū)定居下來生很多孩子嗎？那么就不要和那些想在世界各地生活工作的人結(jié)婚。
Are you planning to pool all your resources, throw them (and yourself) head-on into your new start-up – the dream of your life? Then don’t marry someone who wants a stable, cushy life and lots of “quality time” together. 你是否計(jì)劃把你所有的資源(包括你自己)全部投入到你畢生的夢想——你的新公司里？那么就不要和那些想要穩(wěn)定、輕松的生活，而且想要總是黏在一起的人結(jié)婚。
2. Do we fulfill each other's needs? 我們是否可以滿足對(duì)方的需求？
We all have emotional, intellectual, physical, practical, social and various other needs from a relationship. If you’re in a relationship and are planning to get married, ask yourself – have you made a rational, clear-headed evaluation of whether and how much of your needs your significant other fulfills? 在一段關(guān)系中，我們都有情感的、理智的、生理的、實(shí)際的、社會(huì)的以及其他各種需求。如果你處在一段戀愛中正計(jì)劃結(jié)婚，問問你自己，你是否已經(jīng)理性、清醒地評(píng)估過，你的另一半是否滿足了你的需求，滿足了多少？
Or are you glossing over your unfulfilled needs thinking “every relationship requires compromise”？ 或者你是否正在掩蓋自己尚未滿足的需求，心想“每段感情都要學(xué)會(huì)妥協(xié)”？
This is important because when we’re in the throes of that addictive drug called love, we tend to see only positives in the person we’re in love with. 這一點(diǎn)很重要，因?yàn)楫?dāng)我們在愛情這種會(huì)上癮的毒藥中掙扎時(shí)，我們都傾向于只看見我們愛的那個(gè)人的優(yōu)點(diǎn)。
Now nothing can be truer than the fact that every relationship takes some ceding of grounds, and kudos to you if you’re willingly doing your bit. But if you ignore your basic needs, they will find a way to come back to you in the long run – in the form of fights, emotional abuse, cheating and even divorce.事實(shí)上如果你想繼續(xù)下去，每段感情都需要一些退讓，放下一些尊嚴(yán)，這一點(diǎn)再正確不過了。但是如果你忽視了自己基本的需求，它們最終還是會(huì)回來找你——形式也許是爭斗、精神虐待、欺騙甚至離婚。
3. Do we know really know each other? 我們真的了解對(duì)方嗎？
I was once with a guy who lied about his age on Facebook, and I never asked him about it. We were six months into the relationship when I discovered he was five years older than I thought. 我曾經(jīng)交往過一個(gè)男人，他在Facebook上偽造了自己的年齡，而我也從沒問過他。當(dāng)我們交往六個(gè)月時(shí)，我發(fā)現(xiàn)他比我以為的要大五歲。
Yes, you guessed it – that was not the only lie on which the relationship was based. No wonder we didn’t stay together much more than a year. 沒錯(cuò)，你猜對(duì)了——這并不是他對(duì)我撒的唯一一個(gè)謊。難怪我們相處沒到一年就分手了。
Knowing your partner and allowing them to know you are vital aspects of a stable relationship. Trust takes an immense amount of work (and time) to build, but only seconds to lose. 對(duì)于一段穩(wěn)定的感情來說，了解你的另一半并且讓他們了解你是至關(guān)重要的。建立信任需要大量的努力(還有時(shí)間)，而失去信任只需要幾秒鐘。
Be honest and tell your partner everything you think they should know about you. This will make it easier for them to do the same. Needless to say, if you can’t trust your partner enough to do that, it is probably not the time to think about marriage. 誠實(shí)地告訴你的另一半所有你認(rèn)為他們應(yīng)該知道的關(guān)于你的事情。這樣讓他們坦白起來也更容易一些。不用說，如果你還不能足夠信任你的另一半這樣做，也許你們還不是時(shí)候應(yīng)該考慮結(jié)婚。
4. Do we know how to deal with each other’s 'negative' sides? 我們是否知道該如何應(yīng)對(duì)對(duì)方的消極面？
You can’t live without your dogs. But your girlfriend would rather die than live with them. You’re a devil incarnate when you’re angry. You’re struggling with a bad spending habit. 沒有了你的狗狗你就不能活，而你的女朋友寧愿不活了也不愿意和它們一起生活；當(dāng)你憤怒時(shí)你就會(huì)變成惡魔；你正在和不好的消費(fèi)習(xí)慣作斗爭。
We all have our negative aspects. If you’re thinking about making a lifelong commitment to someone it’s crucial to understand and develop strategies to deal with each other’s less-than-desirable traits. 我們都有自己的缺點(diǎn)。如果你正在考慮向某人許下一生的承諾，那么理解并想出辦法應(yīng)對(duì)彼此那些不太盡如人意的特質(zhì)就非常重要。
Make a conscious decision to go (or not to go) pet-less for the rest of your life for a partner who’s allergic to your pets. Make your peace with the problematic spending habits of your significant other before you decide to take the plunge. 你的另一半對(duì)你的寵物過敏，那你就得做一個(gè)清醒的決定，選擇未來過(或者不過)沒有寵物的生活；冷靜處理不好的消費(fèi)習(xí)慣，在決定冒險(xiǎn)時(shí)想想你的另一半。
It takes time to understand and deal with things we don’t like about our partners. And until and unless you’ve spent that time, you’re not ready to make a decision on marriage。 理解并應(yīng)對(duì)那些另一半身上我們不喜歡的東西是需要時(shí)間的。除非你付出了這個(gè)時(shí)間，否則你就還沒有做好準(zhǔn)備要結(jié)婚。
5. Do we admire and respect each other? 我們是否贊賞并尊重對(duì)方？
Intelligence? Simplicity? A caring heart? A strong common interest? Is there something in him/her which genuinely complements you in ways more than one? 智慧？天真？善心？強(qiáng)烈的共同興趣？他或她的身上是否存在著不止一樣?xùn)|西可以和你互補(bǔ)？
Falling in love with someone “for no particular reason” is great for the heady period of infatuation but not nearly enough for the everyday reality of marriage。 和某人“莫名其妙”地墜入愛河在瘋狂的迷戀期是好的，但對(duì)于每天現(xiàn)實(shí)的婚姻來說就不夠了。 Ask yourselves whether you admire each other for the special individuals that you are and the unique qualities that you both possess。 問問你自己，你們是否因?yàn)楸舜说奶貏e和共同擁有的特質(zhì)而相互贊賞。
Marriage is a long – sometimes boring, but stable – commitment. It cannot be based on whether someone is exciting to you. It has to be about finding long-term fulfilment and happiness in the individuals that you are。 婚姻是一種長期的承諾，有時(shí)候很無趣，但是又很穩(wěn)定。它并不建立在一個(gè)人是否讓你興奮的基礎(chǔ)上。它必須在你身上找到長期的成就感和幸福感。
6. Am I ready to think of him/her as a parent of my children? 我是否準(zhǔn)備好讓他/她做我孩子的父親/母親？
You love your partner like mad? Great. But do you also respect them? Are you proud of them? Remember, your legacy to this world will be as much a part of you as of him/her。 你瘋狂地愛著你的另一半？很好。但是你是否也尊重他/她，為他/她感到驕傲呢？記住，你對(duì)這個(gè)世界的遺產(chǎn)就是你們二人結(jié)合的一部分。
Unless it fills your heart with joy to think of them as a parent of your children, you should probably think about that marriage thing again. In this regard it’s important to take not only your significant other, but also their family into account. Your child will carry as much of your genes as theirs. Is that something that makes you happy? 除非你一想到他/她會(huì)成為你孩子的父親/母親就滿心歡喜，否則你恐怕應(yīng)該重新考慮婚姻這件事。在這一點(diǎn)上，不僅要考慮你的另一半，還要考慮到他的家庭，這是很重要的。你的孩子攜帶的他的基因會(huì)和你的一樣多。這會(huì)讓你感到高興嗎？
|
|
|
