做愛持久一點

The Difference Between Lasting Longer During Sex, and Sex that Lasts Longer

性愛期間的持久和性愛持久的區(qū)別

"Please. I want to last longer."

“求求你，我想更持久一點。”

Every week I receive a few emails with variations of this request. The emails are usually from people identifying themselves as male who are most often having sex with women. They rarely offer up details about the sex they are having. The emails are brief and polite. The emailer wants to provide more pleasure for his partner, and believes that being able to last longer will solve their problem.

每周我會收到一些類似這種要求的郵件。這些郵件是從那些把自己鑒定是男人，并且常常跟女人做愛的人。他們很少提供做愛的細節(jié)。郵件都是簡略和客氣的。發(fā)件人希望給他的伴侶更多的樂趣，并且相信能夠持久一點就能解決他們的問題。

I have a different problem. I need to know what they want to last longer at. You may think it's obvious, that everyone wants to make intercourse last longer. But that's not obvious to me. I have the benefit of talking with thousands of people a year about their sex lives so I know that sex is more than intercourse. If you're someone for whom sex has always been all about intercourse, it makes sense that you'd think that your ability to maintain an erection during intercourse defines your value as a sexual partner. It's hard to learn about what other people's sex lives are really like. More often we end up reading statistics on average frequency of sex, or how long sex lasts. But statistics have a white washing effect, and they don't always reflect individual experience.

我有個不同的問題。我需要知道他們想在哪兒更持久一點。也許你認為這是明擺著的，就是每個人希望性交更持久一點。但是這對我顯然不是的。我有每年跟成千上萬的人談?wù)撍麄兊男陨畹慕?jīng)驗，所以我知道做愛不僅僅是性交。如果你是那種一直認為做愛就是性交的人，那么你認為在性交時始終能夠保持勃起證明了作為一個性伴侶的價值是有道理的。很難去了解其他人的性生活時什么樣的。更多的時候我們是閱讀關(guān)于一般性生活的頻率，或者做愛持續(xù)時間的數(shù)據(jù)。但是數(shù)據(jù)有漂白的功效，而且他們經(jīng)常不能反映個人的經(jīng)驗。

So my response usually involves a few questions in addition to some answers. Like these ones.

所以我的回應(yīng)除了幾個答案，還有幾個問題。比如下面這些。

Who or What Lasts Longer?

誰或者什么持久一點？

My first question is to clarify what you mean by lasting longer in the first place. Do you want to extend the time you spend having sex? Is it just a specific part of sex that you wish lasted longer? Is it that your body gives up or gives out, and you wish it didn't? Or is it that your mind starts to roam, and you want to be able to concentrate on sex for longer periods? These questions raise other points about how we think about sex. The idea that someone isn't lasting long enough suggests that one person is responsible for the length of time sex happens. This is unfair, and its arbitrary. Everyone involved in a sexual encounter needs to take some responsibility for the sex that's happening. If sex ends before one or more than one of the partners involved wants it to end, then everyone needs to chip in. Each partner needs to talk about what they want, why they want it, and what can the do to make it happen. It's easy to get into a sexual routine and/or pattern and that's not necessarily a problem, but if sex becomes the responsibility of only one person, unless that sex is masturbation, you're headed for trouble.

我的第一個問題是首先要說明你說的持久一點是指什么?你是希望延長你做愛的時間嗎？還是僅僅是希望延長做愛其中的一個特別的環(huán)節(jié)？是不是你的身體不行了，但是你不希望？或者是你的思維開始漫游，但是你希望專心在做愛上面，希望持續(xù)久一點？這些問題指出了我們對性愛看法的其他觀點。某個人不能持續(xù)足夠久表明一個人要對做愛時間長短負責。這是不公平的，也是武斷的。碰到性問題的每個人都需要對發(fā)生的性愛負責。如果性愛在一個或者不止一個伴侶想讓它結(jié)束之前結(jié)束，那么每個人需要談?wù)?，負起責任。每個伴侶需要交流他們想要什么，為什么需要這個，怎么做才能讓這個發(fā)生。形成一個例行公事或者模式是很容易的，那也不是問題，但是如果做愛變成了一個人的責任，除非性愛是自慰，否則你遇到麻煩了。

Why Last Longer?

為什么持久一點？

My next question is, why do you want to last longer? Are you loving the sex you're having? Is it feeling so good that you wish it would go on for another ten minutes or two hours? Or do you think you need to last longer because you simply think you should be able to last longer? For some people sex comes with so much anxiety and feelings of pressure that the relief from sex is simply that it's over. If you're not really enjoying your sex life, that's worth addressing. But simply making it last longer, just adding quantity, may not be the answer.

我的下一個問題是，你為什么想更持久一點？你熱愛你現(xiàn)有的性愛生活嗎？它是如此之好以至于你希望它能夠多10分鐘或者2小時嗎？或者你認為你應(yīng)該持久一點因為你簡單地認為你應(yīng)該能夠做到？對于一些人性愛伴隨著巨大的焦慮和壓力，從性愛中解脫出來就是簡單地它結(jié)束了。如果你不是很享受你的性愛，那是值得一說。但是簡單地讓它持久一點，僅僅是增加數(shù)量，也許不是答案。

Last Longer Doing What?

持久一點做什么？

What specifically do you like about the sex you're having? You're probably doing different things, like kissing, fondling, licking, etc... Do you want it all to last longer, or just certain things. Again, it's easy to focus on intercourse, but intercourse is almost always only one part of sex play. If it's the intercourse that you want to last longer that fine, and you can make that happen. But before you make a change to your sex life, it's worth everyone involved checking in about what exactly the change should look like. How would it be different if you had sex twice for 20 minutes as opposed to lasting longer and having sex once for 40 minutes? You may think that intercourse is what needs to last longer, you're partner might be wishing for more oral sex, or kissing.

對于現(xiàn)有的性愛你們特別喜歡什么？你們也許是不同的事情，比如接吻，愛撫，舔，等等。你想全部都持久一點，還是僅僅是特定的一部分。再一次，集中于性交時很容易的，但是性交一直都僅僅是性愛的一部分。如果你想性交更持久一點，那好辦，你能夠成功。但是在你對你的性生活做出改變前，有必要讓雙方檢查這個變化究竟是什么。它會怎么的不同，如果你20分鐘做愛兩次跟你持久一點，40分鐘做愛一次相比？你也許會認為性交是需要持久一點，但是你的伴侶也許會希望更多的口交，或者接吻。

Premature Ejaculation

早泄

While people of all genders may want sex to last longer, in heterosexual relationships the onus is often on the person with the penis to extend the length of sex. And when sex is "too short" (by whose definition?) it is often characterized as a man having premature ejaculation. Premature ejaculation isn't simply a problem of definitions. There are many men who ejaculate so quickly once they are sexually stimulated, that they aren't able to enjoy sex as much as they'd like, and they aren't able to sexually stimulate their partners in ways they want to. Premature ejaculation is the most common sexual complaint for men. But it's also one that most men can learn to control.

雖然也許所有人都希望性愛持久一點，在異性戀中，通常有小弟弟的人負責延長性生活的長度。當做愛“太短”（誰定義的？）這通常被認為是早泄。早泄并不是簡簡單單的下定義。有許多人一旦受性刺激，他們就會很快地射精，以至于他們不能享受他們想要的性生活，他們不能用他們的方式性刺激他們的伴侶。早泄是對男人最常見的性抱怨。但是這同樣也是大部分男人能夠?qū)W會控制的。

Other Ways to Last Longer

持久一點的其他方法

Controlling the timing of ejaculation isn't necessarily going to make sex last longer, if the sex you want to last longer doesn't involve a penis. Making sex last longer may require you to talk about the sex your having, and even to slow sex down a bit. Certainly thinking about sex beyond intercourse, and trying out new ways of being sexual together is one way to slow things down. If you're in the habit of having sex at the same time of the day or night, switching that up may also change how long sex lasts as it will probably change the energy you have going into sex. If you're the kind of person who falls asleep right after sex this may not work, but some people find they have a burst of energy after sex, and if this is you it might make more sense to have sex before you finish all the work you need to do that day, and then you can go back to work.

控制射精的時間不是讓做愛持久所必須的，如果你想持久的性愛并不包括小弟弟。讓做愛持久一點也許需要你說出你現(xiàn)有的性愛生活，甚至慢一點。一定要認為性愛是超越性交的，嘗試做愛的新方法是慢下來的一種方法。如果你的習慣是在白天或者夜晚相同的時間做愛，改變一下或許也可以改變你性愛的長短，因為它有可能改變了你準備做愛時的能量。如果你是那種做完愛就睡著的人，這招也許沒效，但是一些人發(fā)現(xiàn)做愛過后會有能量的爆發(fā)，如果你是這種人，那么這也許就可以說明白在你完成所有的工作之前做愛，然后你可以繼續(xù)回去工作。